Feds are calling for the shutdown of the internet and are on red alert as they’ve foiled a plan for an extraordinarily big marijuana grow in outer space after a raid on a house. Authorities are blaming international Tech savvy Cannabis Cartels who communicated through the the Dark Net on the scheme for the biggest planned guerrilla grow in history. The grow was planning to weld shipping containers together and orbit them around the earth after blasting them out there using highly explosive fireworks and a propeller.
A spokesperson for FFFUCC – Federal Friends For Unquestioning Compliant Communities Said “These Underground Digital Terrorists are planning to and will use our technology against us and our future (tech that will be designed and built by the Chinese by the way), but our children are our future, think about the children, I always think about the children because it’s my job as a law abiding American Citizen..” adding “We At FFFUC – Police the streets to help the Police Police when they’re policing elsewhere…and we’ve been suspicious of all internet users, we’re pretty sure they’ll be high enough to think they can pull off these crimes, well not on my watch, not in my America, not in my American space.”
Joe from WAC – White American Christians had this to say –
“If the aliens do turn up and theres a bunch of hippy stoners orbiting our earth and using America’s sunlight to grow pot…what will that say about us?
These druggies need god in their lives and some jail time. I mean this could cause another independence day, only we won’t win this time and there’ll be no movie afterwards, the only things that these aliens need from us is to be shown the strength and word of our lord jesus christ, who (let’s not forget) was created in our image…not theirs and we’ll need to remind them of that fact with the bible, not pot”
Federal Youth Group Leader and Spopkesperson – Jock Staines reckoned the Feds are the superheroes in this story, stating “They’re like Batman ya know…people in Gotham City don’t like batman but he knows whats best for Gotham and kicks badguy ass without any regard for the law or people…like a proper Hero, doing things the American way”
Federal America are the rightful owners and protectors of the moon, stars and the rest of the universe under one flag, planted by patriot and conquerer of space – Neil Armstrong. America hasn’t yet installed any leaders of choice to reign over space for now but are working with the Saudi’s on how best to enforce law, a suggestion has been to take these criminals to a purpose built court on the dark side of the moon to prosecute, put into asteroid mining slavery and even execute as a tax saving measure where possible.
This guerrilla space grow had various revenue streams, via digital currency crowd funding and profits made from weed sales in various parts of the world where its still illegal and therefore highly profitable. But what’s really left the authorities red faced is why they didn’t think of building a jail out there first…